Maybe now isn't the best time to write a journal, but I really just want to because I feel the need to write everything down somewhere so that I can try and organize my thoughts. This might turn into a big rant journal about my life and doesn't concern anyone but myself in any way, but I just need to do this.

My head feels like it's going to explode.

School is literally making me lose my mind. I'm overwhelmed, yet my professors keep saying that if I'm not feeling overwhelmed then, "I'm not doing enough work." I'm burning out. I'm running out of mental drive and the will to actually pump out designs left right and centre like I'm required to. I have no creative energy left. But I feel like I should considering that last weekend was Thanksgiving and was a long weekend, so I could take a little break, enjoy some food and family. But no. There I was sitting at the dinner table with a fork in one hand and a pencil in the other drawing thumbnails and writing notes for Typography class. There's times when I feel like I'm on top of everything, I get it all, I work hard and make a major dent in what I'm required to have for the following week, but that's usually on a Sunday night. Meaning that I'll just get more and more things piled on me the next day.

I'm drowning.
I need a break.

And right now I'm just feeling really, really overwhelmed and depressed. The depression might be because I'm sick with a cold that won't leave my body. Or it might be due to the fact that Molly had surgery and was kept overnight at the vet and I was worrying. It might be the weather changing to the dim and depressing winter skies. Or it could even just be the music that I'm listening to and how it has made me think about some things in my life and in the world differently.

I hate how school has caused me to up my dosage of my anti-depressants. That just isn't right.

Thankfully today my Typo prof decided to axe two other projects that were scheduled because he understood after listening to us explain to him how each and every student is either lost, overwhelmed, or at the breaking point. If only my GD3 prof was that decent. A lot of my professors this semester lack the ability to teach, so I'm constantly asking, "What do you want?" and then when I show up with whatever I could make of their ramblings they say it's wrong.

I'm lacking direction and they're lacking the ability to point me to where I should go. Whichever direction I decide to take always seems to be the wrong one. And each and every week all my past weeks work is useless and I'm back at square one. It just defeats my will to try. And I hate that feeling more than anything in the world.

Because I try. I really do try. I just hate being penalized for trying.

There's probably a lot more that I'd like to write, but I'm exhausted and have class in the morning. Please don't take this as a "pity me" journal, because it's not. Like I stated in the first paragraph, I sometimes use these journals to organize my thoughts and let things out because there's only so much I can do in real life about these issues. Venting my problems into the world wide web makes them public and I honestly don't really care who reads them, who has an opinion about them, or anything. Because they're my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes people need a place to let it all out.

And this is my place.

I'm not sure if I should thank anyone who made it through this journal, or to apologize. Either way, goodnight.